Phases of Love

Tags

breakup, farewell, love, Pain, relationships, truelove

2:22 am as I sit by myself in my room thinking about her.. no more agony or pain, no regrets or guilts but something very unique or as I would say an alien feeling‘ll explain in a bit why I say this.

I was loved by a woman that showed me life through a different angle/filter… she loved me with all she had and I am glad to say I did the same. 3 years we never had that anxiety of where he/she is what are they doing* who are they texting* because, on March 11, she said I want something easy and comfortable and real… it was something id say to people… no mind games.. no call and ignore … no wait for hours to reply.. none of that.

Life went on.. being self-aware.. we realized we weren’t the best catch.. so things ended.. it ended in a very civil way.. let’s not forget 3 years isn’t easy to get over… but here comes the reason why I’m writing this… I stayed I didn’t speak or when I did my feelings or my frustration of how much I missed her would always show but she stayed calm.. god knows how many tears she shed.. after the call was ended.. but I never realized why not to me why? and I always said what was in my heart and I guess id feel better…

April 29th, I got diagnosed with the Corona Virus… and here began my 14 days of hell…, being in quarantine millions of things would come into my mind daily… I began to start practicing my religion again.. I had been missing my prayers and all of those for a while.. I guess I needed comfort.. a spiritual comfort to calm me inside.. upon my 7th-8thday a beautiful thought or id say revelation came into me.. and this is what made me realize how pure and beautiful her love is for me and this feeling helped me realize why she was always so calm when we spoke and I always tore my chest to show her how I missed her..

a little about this girl.. she is very very very kind.. very reserved and she is one of a kind.. I realized.. that she doesn’t say any of her feelings to me but rather keeping it inside her killing her slowly is also out of love for me… because she knows once the call is ended I will be thinking of all the things I’ve said to her which will make me miss her more thus more pain… all this time I’m hurting her by expressing her how I feel but she in return loving me back by keeping silent and I am only increasing her pain…

after realizing this way.. (men are slow to understand trust me lol) I didn’t know what to say or to do.. but I felt like I had closure with myself… I felt it was easy for me to now be happy to see her being happy.. be happy to see her with someone that she is happy because that is also out of my love.. and not to tell her all these feelings inside me for her because it will hurt her once the call ends.. I mean imagine a love that even after you guys break up.. the love cares if only realized… I didn’t realize it for 5 months… I’m glad I did now than never. and I thankful for learning this beautiful amazing feeling. it helped me to close my chapter inside me and also thought me to be fair and not put her through this unseen pain… because she feels the same as I do.

in conclusion, A love so pure and real has two phases.. phase 1 is when you guys are together and phase 2 is when it is over… but to realize or to feel the second phase… you need to open that spiritual eye of urs… because it is one amazing feeling knowing someone out there in this beautiful huge planet.. not talking to you not speaking to you.. only out of care… so they don’t hurt you anymore..

Thank you for loving me so purely.

You will forever have a place in my heart.

• 

Farewell – R

Tags

life, love

Imagine I perfected all my imperfections 

Imagine I muted, every time I made you cry 

Imagine I slept every time I came to fight

Imagine I wasn’t me imagine?

Imagine I had no imperfections so you wouldn’t hold them against me imagine

Imagine I was the word before it came it of your mouth imagine

Imagine this pain had a cure imagine

Imagine love never lost its definition imagine?

Imagine we didn’t live for society

Imagine we didn’t have big weddings and bedrooms full of tears imagine?

Imagine a life without pride ..

Imagine you thought for me and I do for you..

Imagine a love that feels like a job imagine?

Imagine our problems weren’t solved by strangers imagine?

Imagine we fought and loved between us imagine?

Imagine for every time I was aggressive I didn’t know how else to show what love is

Imagine for every time I got jealous it because how much I died inside?

Imagine you loved me without comparing to anyone..

And now?

It’s all memories left to imagine. 

Farewell ..

Advice * نصيحة

Tags

advice, children, emotions, humans, Hurt, Pain, parents, rolemodels, verbal abuse

Growing up in the middle east, if you did as well? I am sure you can relate to this, the meaning of advice is understood wrong. how? well let me try to simplify this in the simplest form.

when a child/teenager or a young adult commits a mistake of any form or kind, he is *advised* ( in form of yelling, or shaming or insulting) in front of people that could be his friends or family or even friends of the family that he knows nothing about but only they are family friends. to the parents or to the adult who thinks he is doing a good thing by doing such has no clue that what he just did literally killed every happy emotion, killed every ambition, literally destroyed murdered bombed his confidence. you may think now im being dramatic or why am i stretching it so long, its only advice and it’s for the child’s own good. well, i watched a movie called * detachment* and there was something very smart in it that i can’t forget: * there should be a programme for parents they have to take or a workshop they have to go through before becoming parents because parenthood isn’t only about creating a human or giving birth to a human* a wise man once told me a child is like a plant that has raised from the soil but still the stem is too weak so the farmer ties a stick to its corners so when the wind blows the plant stem is protected from breaking. likewise for children their minds are fresh and is taking in everything that they experience so dont break their stems, be the support.

As a young man growing i always was uninterested sitting around in family gatherings because some family member would think its okay to yell at me things that they think is the right thing and it would embarrass me and my enthusiasm would be off for days. Advice is good, it’s always good to care about someone and to guide them towards the right path. but believe me giving me this advice in front of people only embarasses me and makes me feel ashamed and this is the cause to what the adults say * you don’t understand i said the same thing to you 50 times before and you still keep doing it on and on* the problem is when i am yelled at and embarrassed in front of people my brain is busy thinking of how to avoid the shamefulness or how to just disappear and is paying NO attention to all the good things that were yelled , which causes the young man/women to completely hide itself from this specific person at times of gatherings to avoid this embarrassment which in some cases also leads to the creation of the worst emotion ever * hate * for this person. like they say home is the first school, and if the child fails at home, it will be hard for them to succeed in life comfortably.

I always tried to advice people, young parents as to when they made this mistake in front of me. tried to tell them what your doing is actually destroying them rather than fixing. ( obviously on the side once they were done doing what they were doing because it’s also bad to interfere) i was always rejected as in you don’t know what’s good for my child or the best way is the hard way, Look it was bad that it happened to you but break the circle don’t let your kid experience the same. break the cycle and create a new cycle of life where you’d want this new soul to blossom to its best abilities.

my advice to who ever reads this: voices have frequencies and we have receptors cells that senses, the brain tends to accept and understand frequencies that are comfortable more and believe me an Advice that is said in a manner that is understood by a child in the head and the heart will carry it as a treasure throughout their life. and i’m sure parents always want the best for their children so reach out in the best way because a when a child that is raised properly, they will make life easier for whomever they comes across in life but if a child fears you, they will still do what they want to but will find ways to hide them better and im sure we all know what fear brings in us.

In Conclusion, there is a famous saying in arabic:

*   لسانك حصانك ان صنته صانك و ان هنته هانك* *Your tongue is your horse, if you respect it, it will respect you, and if you betray it, it will betray you*

The tongue which has no bones and is so small in size, always had the biggest impact on our life’s.

Think….

The silent cry for help

Tags

buddhist, charity, emotions, expectations, food, fruit, hate, human, humans, hunger, language, life, live, love, monk, monkey, orange, reality, statues, wild, wisdom, world

 

 

 

 

While walking between temples in Nepal, and learning the centuries-old monument and asking about its history, something amazing crossed me at the SwayambhunathTemple in Kathmandu while exploring, watching the monkeys climb around while the monks are meditating and visitors taking pictures, As my journey within Swayambhunath started, I stumbled across a monkey, it just kept looking around and barely moved nothing  like the rest of the troop, this made me wonder, after paying in-depth attention I realized that this monkeys hands were chopped off, thinking about how she felt while the rest swung through branches as they pick on fruits and foods laying around, it broke my heart. Upon asking about the monkey’s condition I was told: the monkey had gotten into a fight with another monkey and got her hands torn off or had an infection which led her biting her hands off. There was something very admiring about this monkey despite the fact being handicapped, it did not give up on life, she tried to grab food from the tray with her feet and failed, then she went for it again and failed again. As she sat on the corner of one of the Buddha’s statue. Then there was a woman, she seemed like she came to worship in the temple, watching her walk past the monkey while carrying a tray full of fruits and sweets, she caught the monkey looking at the food and soon realizing that she is hungry and wasn’t able to eat.

she stopped. She picked an orange from the tray and offered a slice. In the beginning, the monkey hesitated and stepped backward, but as the lady kept offering and leaned in, soon every emotion of the monkey was overtaken by hunger and she took a step forward taking a leap of faith and took the first slice. As she enjoyed her first slice it was a beautiful feeling inside out watching the monkey enjoy the orange as she ate each slice of the woman’s hand, I watched the woman look at me and as she smiled, she told me “sometimes the language of pure intentions to help speaks louder than words.”

 

 

 

 

Nepal- The ringing bell on the mountain

Tags

humans, life, live, love, reality, wisdom, world

Photo credit AP

 

My Journey to Nepal was work-related, but as work came to an end, I still had a couple of days to explore the city. I believe the best way to explore a city is through walking, and walking through local villages, temples, and monasteries. Everyone can visit touristic destinations but the real value or the real taste of a place you can get is while you mingle with the locals. Walking through several markets selling Cashmere shawls or the many food stands in the middle of the street selling local snacks, I overheard a ring, I stopped taking any further steps and looked around to see where the sound came from, I found myself standing amongst people whose eyes are closed and are in a deep worshiping state.  I was so astonished that curiosity hit my mind and now I needed to know what the meaning of this ring or this bell sound was, so I started asking my questions. I was told that this ringing sound was from the Buddhist temple which was located on top of a mountain. I was so amazed by how just from a sound the unity amongst the people shined and they all bowed their heads down to pray together for whatever it could be, I guess what made it beautiful was a complete silence altogether, dropping every worldly interest, and bowing their heads in meditation or prayers.

After researching and asking people around I found out the temple is called Swayambhunath temple, and it is over 2600 years old. Walking up those stairs, towards the temple and just thinking of the course of time, how many people came before and how many after is just something that mesmerizes my mind. After reaching the top I witnessed many things, you see the small retail shops trying to make their daily bread and butter and some shops willing to sketch you for a small fee. but what caught my eye the most was a German national who has been living in the monastery for a couple months and the day I saw him was his first day as a Buddhist monk, I asked him on his journey his reply was patience, he has been meditating for months in order to learn the Mantra,  I was told that to learn about the mantra requires a lot of time as one is required to enter into a lot of depth. I, not having all this pleasure time but still very curious to know what the mantra is so I asked him to tell me whatever was on top of his mind, according to my understanding mantra is a prayer that is said in order to gain control over the brain and not the opposite. And then I came to my question what does the ring of the bell mean? He replied it’s a call for prayer, when one hears the ring it’s a reminder to drop everything and to be thankful, humble and to refrain from any sort of negative energy by reading the mantra and overpowering your brain from that negative energy and to live in peace and harmony. The bell is ringing 5 times a day, so 5 reminders of a positive lifestyle.

After listening to what the monk had to say, I started making my way down and I heard the bell ring again, this time I tried to practice focusing on my own positivity and to realize how thankful I am to be alive another day. From this trip I realize that there will always be good or bad, but what way are you going to power your brain to focus on?

 

(sorry for my grammar errors)

 

 

 

 

 

Comfort?

Tags

humans, life, live, love, reality, wisdom, world

Man, this life is so beautiful… I get to work at 8 am today and I see that there is a new guy that has been hired, when I walk in I say hello and shake my hands with everyone. It’s a part of my culture and I like people to know how I represent my ways too, I talk to him but buddy is very intense or I say he doesn’t want to speak to anyone. After couple hours I’m standing in the field with him and I started to talk to him. He looked in the mid 20’s and for me to get his attention I already knew that if I start to speak about the woman he won’t be interested because he just met me so Instead I asked so what do you do for fun? All of a sudden it’s like when u see a light coming in a dark room his face started getting red and he got so excited talking to me about how he goes to the bar and how he gets all the girls ( every guy’s thing) and to my self I keep thinking I got another one to wake up so conversation went on and on to the point he told me he has a girlfriend and just a couple minutes before he said how many girls he fools around with. So I asked how is everything with her, keep in mind I met him half hour ago and he is already so comfortable that he is sharing the thought of someone that shares a bed with him. I don’t like speaking about people personal life but I had to tell you this story because of it very easy to get close to people and make them hear you and listen to you because once you start making them talk it’s a very noble thing to learn. It’s the comfort they feel inside of them even though the just met you, they will share everything with you. And I have experienced this so many times people have so much to talk so much to share so then why is it so hard for people? Is physical judgment too high?, or should I say physical judgment is wrong? So if it is too high and it’s wrong .. Then why is it keep spreading. Why is almost everyone in North America I feel in the beginning they are so cold but once I make them comfortable to talk, there is that humble modest person alive in them but it’s soo deep inside, that makes them look like a completely different person? And then I question my self why all these fake guards…? why not show the real you…? what cause us this disease of insecurities.

Strange humans.

Tags

humans, life, live, love, world

I always question my self-was earth made for humans? If not then for who..? I am currently sitting/waiting for my dad to get his dental work done. There are a couple people besides me sitting and waiting for one of their friends or family just waiting, but no one is talking with one another and because how silent it is I feel a strange feeling inside my stomach and my mind that if I talk to someone here will it be weird? And then I ask my self well on earth all we interact is with humans then why do I have this feeling? Is it just me? If it is, why is everyone on their phone and not talking to one another… Why are we so strange to one another..? How did we become like this? Is it me that only thinks like this? Can I do something to help my people?

Before giving my mind space or the path to thinking like this, I had to go through a lot of listening, listening to the good and bad saying of people, then me parting them into the good and bad categories. And then I come up with all these questions that why does a particular person think like this? Or is it a big number of people thinking like this..?

We all know the saying “monkey see monkey do” but we ignore it because we are too ignorant, but if we think about it the biggest number of the population is doing the exact same thing… How to step on someone else to go higher. We are all so selfish And where did we see this/learn this from? Where did this idea come Into the society? Who is doing all this… Why is it so hard for one human to just stop for 2 mins and talk to a completely random person and ask how his day was? And that random person instead of taking it in an “oh ur so creepy or who the fuck are you * and just answering with all his guard down and talking from the zen/positive energy within… Why is it so hard? Who made it so hard? And then again I ask my self this question was earth really made for humans only?

 

Betrayal of humanity

Tags

life, reality, wisdom

I am not a frequent traveler, but I like to impose into random people I.e I give them a certain type of comfort that I believe they take the masks off and listen to me. I have never been to a university because of financial problems in my life. But all my friends are either doctors, PhDs in something etc… This is very hard to put in word but I believe there are Or is “Hacks” for life, and when I found the first I got hungry for the next. Humans are very cold and selfish in this new society or should I say the present generation is very programmed. Why do I say that? Because of everything I see in my daily life… Love has lost its meaning, respect has lost their grounds… Media has brainwashed our population so hard that bringing them back to reality is nothing less than a mission, a mission to wake them up from a deep sleep of unreality. Money was never there when the world started. It is a man made thing and which man-made that? The one that’s the closest to the devil… If we think about the movement of this earth based on what are they wanting to achieve? 95% of them will say I want to have a life of no stress so I want to make more money, we have been brainwashed so bravely that one forgets that the body his soul lives in doesn’t live on money.. We run after it but how many of us succeeded? Why do our debts keep increasing and the money is never enough? Is it because “they” want us to keep following this world order? How many of us has sat down and thought about it in depth of what’s there besides money? I have a lot to talk about but I am young and unaware of a lot of things. I believe in me sharing things here will hopefully make people start questioning. Because no revolution is ever going to be successful unless it begins within.
My dear fellow beings… Money is a trap of the devil. And when we worship/live to make money.. My friends, therefore we worship/live the devil’s way. Think about it ..is this really our choice of life?