Growing up in the middle east, if you did as well? I am sure you can relate to this, the meaning of advice is understood wrong. how? well let me try to simplify this in the simplest form.
when a child/teenager or a young adult commits a mistake of any form or kind, he is *advised* ( in form of yelling, or shaming or insulting) in front of people that could be his friends or family or even friends of the family that he knows nothing about but only they are family friends. to the parents or to the adult who thinks he is doing a good thing by doing such has no clue that what he just did literally killed every happy emotion, killed every ambition, literally destroyed murdered bombed his confidence. you may think now im being dramatic or why am i stretching it so long, its only advice and it’s for the child’s own good. well, i watched a movie called * detachment* and there was something very smart in it that i can’t forget: * there should be a programme for parents they have to take or a workshop they have to go through before becoming parents because parenthood isn’t only about creating a human or giving birth to a human* a wise man once told me a child is like a plant that has raised from the soil but still the stem is too weak so the farmer ties a stick to its corners so when the wind blows the plant stem is protected from breaking. likewise for children their minds are fresh and is taking in everything that they experience so dont break their stems, be the support.
As a young man growing i always was uninterested sitting around in family gatherings because some family member would think its okay to yell at me things that they think is the right thing and it would embarrass me and my enthusiasm would be off for days. Advice is good, it’s always good to care about someone and to guide them towards the right path. but believe me giving me this advice in front of people only embarasses me and makes me feel ashamed and this is the cause to what the adults say * you don’t understand i said the same thing to you 50 times before and you still keep doing it on and on* the problem is when i am yelled at and embarrassed in front of people my brain is busy thinking of how to avoid the shamefulness or how to just disappear and is paying NO attention to all the good things that were yelled , which causes the young man/women to completely hide itself from this specific person at times of gatherings to avoid this embarrassment which in some cases also leads to the creation of the worst emotion ever * hate * for this person. like they say home is the first school, and if the child fails at home, it will be hard for them to succeed in life comfortably.
I always tried to advice people, young parents as to when they made this mistake in front of me. tried to tell them what your doing is actually destroying them rather than fixing. ( obviously on the side once they were done doing what they were doing because it’s also bad to interfere) i was always rejected as in you don’t know what’s good for my child or the best way is the hard way, Look it was bad that it happened to you but break the circle don’t let your kid experience the same. break the cycle and create a new cycle of life where you’d want this new soul to blossom to its best abilities.
my advice to who ever reads this: voices have frequencies and we have receptors cells that senses, the brain tends to accept and understand frequencies that are comfortable more and believe me an Advice that is said in a manner that is understood by a child in the head and the heart will carry it as a treasure throughout their life. and i’m sure parents always want the best for their children so reach out in the best way because a when a child that is raised properly, they will make life easier for whomever they comes across in life but if a child fears you, they will still do what they want to but will find ways to hide them better and im sure we all know what fear brings in us.
In Conclusion, there is a famous saying in arabic:
* لسانك حصانك ان صنته صانك و ان هنته هانك* *Your tongue is your horse, if you respect it, it will respect you, and if you betray it, it will betray you*
The tongue which has no bones and is so small in size, always had the biggest impact on our life’s.