2:22 am as I sit by myself in my room thinking about her.. no more agony or pain, no regrets or guilts but something very unique or as I would say an alien feeling‘ll explain in a bit why I say this.
I was loved by a woman that showed me life through a different angle/filter… she loved me with all she had and I am glad to say I did the same. 3 years we never had that anxiety of where he/she is what are they doing* who are they texting* because, on March 11, she said I want something easy and comfortable and real… it was something id say to people… no mind games.. no call and ignore … no wait for hours to reply.. none of that.
Life went on.. being self-aware.. we realized we weren’t the best catch.. so things ended.. it ended in a very civil way.. let’s not forget 3 years isn’t easy to get over… but here comes the reason why I’m writing this… I stayed I didn’t speak or when I did my feelings or my frustration of how much I missed her would always show but she stayed calm.. god knows how many tears she shed.. after the call was ended.. but I never realized why not to me why? and I always said what was in my heart and I guess id feel better…
April 29th, I got diagnosed with the Corona Virus… and here began my 14 days of hell…, being in quarantine millions of things would come into my mind daily… I began to start practicing my religion again.. I had been missing my prayers and all of those for a while.. I guess I needed comfort.. a spiritual comfort to calm me inside.. upon my 7th-8thday a beautiful thought or id say revelation came into me.. and this is what made me realize how pure and beautiful her love is for me and this feeling helped me realize why she was always so calm when we spoke and I always tore my chest to show her how I missed her..
a little about this girl.. she is very very very kind.. very reserved and she is one of a kind.. I realized.. that she doesn’t say any of her feelings to me but rather keeping it inside her killing her slowly is also out of love for me… because she knows once the call is ended I will be thinking of all the things I’ve said to her which will make me miss her more thus more pain… all this time I’m hurting her by expressing her how I feel but she in return loving me back by keeping silent and I am only increasing her pain…
after realizing this way.. (men are slow to understand trust me lol) I didn’t know what to say or to do.. but I felt like I had closure with myself… I felt it was easy for me to now be happy to see her being happy.. be happy to see her with someone that she is happy because that is also out of my love.. and not to tell her all these feelings inside me for her because it will hurt her once the call ends.. I mean imagine a love that even after you guys break up.. the love cares if only realized… I didn’t realize it for 5 months… I’m glad I did now than never. and I thankful for learning this beautiful amazing feeling. it helped me to close my chapter inside me and also thought me to be fair and not put her through this unseen pain… because she feels the same as I do.
in conclusion, A love so pure and real has two phases.. phase 1 is when you guys are together and phase 2 is when it is over… but to realize or to feel the second phase… you need to open that spiritual eye of urs… because it is one amazing feeling knowing someone out there in this beautiful huge planet.. not talking to you not speaking to you.. only out of care… so they don’t hurt you anymore..
Thank you for loving me so purely.
You will forever have a place in my heart.